no fear

i decided on a school yesterday, and I signed the contract and everything and emailed it to the director yesterday morning along with a few questions. i haven't heard back from the director yet, and i'm already starting to fear the worst. especially, since i already cancelled all my other interviews. i want to smack myself in the head. i feel like the Israelites. God goes and does something amazing, I do a quick thank you, and then I let fear and doubt seep in and threaten my hope and joy in what God is doing in my life.

it's not my timing, but it's God's --> i must accept that.

                                                                       [now. today. tomorrow. every moment.]

Romans 8:6 ~ The mind of sinful man is death,
but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace.

Romans 8:28 ~ And we know that in all things God works for the good of
those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

[I know that my Redeemer lives]

~ Job 19:25

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limitless

it's so easy to get sucked into living by the world's standards, living with a "logical" and "rational" mindset. however...

                 God isn't a part of that scene.

that's why He commands us to be in the world, but not of the world.

Romans 12:1-2 ~  "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

I pray daily for my mind to be renewed, to be refocused on God, in order that I may be able to perceive God's will for me...His direction, His guidance.

Today (not for the first ime) I am asserting my belief (without any hesitation) in God's limitless nature. The rules of the world do not constrain my God, and that is why He is my living hope.

Psalm 78:41-43 ~

⁴¹ Again and again they put God to the test;
   they vexed the Holy One of Israel.
⁴² They did not remember his power—
   the day he redeemed them from the oppressor,
⁴³ the day he displayed his signs in Egypt,
   his wonders in the region of Zoan.

Ephesians 3:20 ~
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us...

Luke 1:37 ~
For no word from God will ever fail.

Luke 18:20 ~
Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”

Genesis 18:14 ~
Is anything too hard for the LORD?...

Jeremiah 33:3 ~
Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Matthre 19:26 ~
Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

                              

                      [what a mighty God we serve]

 

a new beginning

The necessary background: I graduated college this summer - August 13 with a B.A. in English. Months ago I applied to graduate school, starting in January. I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted, it just seemed to be the next step. I quit my nanny job this summer because of my course load I had no time to work. my personality needs to work, I need to feel like I'm contributing, making money, doing something. As soon as I graduated, I wanted a job. I had orientation as a substitute teacher for LCPS last Friday. I figured it was a nice job to have - flexible, gaining teaching experience, not a too serious career while I pursue my M.A (which is what I was planning to do when I applied). Unfortunately, my car broke down on the way there. I never made it.

God had different plans.

One of my professors this summer talked a lot about her experiences teaching English abroad. I love traveling, and naturally, I was intrigued. I had considered it before, but it always seemed like a long and difficult process and I had kind of brushed it aside.

I am planning to begin teaching English in South Korea sometime between the end of October and early December. I requested my CBC 3 weeks ago, and I am still waiting to receive my diploma by mail. Assuming I'll have all my VISA documents ready by the end of September, I hope to be out of here by November.

Some might call me anxious or eager, ambitious. I've already packed up everything, figured out what I need to purchase before I leave, started learning the Korean language, talked to other teachers over there, researched schools, the culture, and the country.

And now I'm waiting. waiting. waiting. Wondering if I should look for a job while I'm waiting. I could be a substitute teacher right now, but my car broke down. I'm the type of person who likes to be continually busy, who thrives on being challenged.

so God's challenging me.

I believe in signs, I believe God communicates in the most mysterious ways - not always obvious or clear. my mom told me the other to just listen to God, and I said how will I know? there's a zillion different voices and "feelings" - my heart, my mind, my soul, my desire, my dreams, and God, and somehow I'm supposed to decipher between them all. It's a lot.

Right now, I know more than anything God's teaching me to wait - the patience and trust that comes with that, the growth of faith - and the beauty of His sovereignty and control. 

Proverbs 16:9 - In their hearts humans plan their course,
   but the LORD establishes their steps

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

I can try to figure it all out, to persist in getting a job, to being in control of this whole situation - but God is going to prevail, and I know it will be so much easier if I just let go and trust. it's so hard - the way human nature tells me to fight God for control, to abandon faith in what is unseen, to refuse trusting what is unknown.

every day I feel a panic come over that maybe the FBI didn't receive my CBC request, maybe my diploma is back ordered or lost in the mail, maybe it won't work out, maybe I'll be a jobless grad still living at home next year. STOP, God shakes me, begging me to trust in Him. He is sovereign. I need to let go.  Each day it gets better, easier. The fear eases.

prayer works.

He whispers: Wait with Me for awhile...