a new beginning

The necessary background: I graduated college this summer - August 13 with a B.A. in English. Months ago I applied to graduate school, starting in January. I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted, it just seemed to be the next step. I quit my nanny job this summer because of my course load I had no time to work. my personality needs to work, I need to feel like I'm contributing, making money, doing something. As soon as I graduated, I wanted a job. I had orientation as a substitute teacher for LCPS last Friday. I figured it was a nice job to have - flexible, gaining teaching experience, not a too serious career while I pursue my M.A (which is what I was planning to do when I applied). Unfortunately, my car broke down on the way there. I never made it.

God had different plans.

One of my professors this summer talked a lot about her experiences teaching English abroad. I love traveling, and naturally, I was intrigued. I had considered it before, but it always seemed like a long and difficult process and I had kind of brushed it aside.

I am planning to begin teaching English in South Korea sometime between the end of October and early December. I requested my CBC 3 weeks ago, and I am still waiting to receive my diploma by mail. Assuming I'll have all my VISA documents ready by the end of September, I hope to be out of here by November.

Some might call me anxious or eager, ambitious. I've already packed up everything, figured out what I need to purchase before I leave, started learning the Korean language, talked to other teachers over there, researched schools, the culture, and the country.

And now I'm waiting. waiting. waiting. Wondering if I should look for a job while I'm waiting. I could be a substitute teacher right now, but my car broke down. I'm the type of person who likes to be continually busy, who thrives on being challenged.

so God's challenging me.

I believe in signs, I believe God communicates in the most mysterious ways - not always obvious or clear. my mom told me the other to just listen to God, and I said how will I know? there's a zillion different voices and "feelings" - my heart, my mind, my soul, my desire, my dreams, and God, and somehow I'm supposed to decipher between them all. It's a lot.

Right now, I know more than anything God's teaching me to wait - the patience and trust that comes with that, the growth of faith - and the beauty of His sovereignty and control. 

Proverbs 16:9 - In their hearts humans plan their course,
   but the LORD establishes their steps

Proverbs 19:21 - Many are the plans in a person’s heart,
   but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.

I can try to figure it all out, to persist in getting a job, to being in control of this whole situation - but God is going to prevail, and I know it will be so much easier if I just let go and trust. it's so hard - the way human nature tells me to fight God for control, to abandon faith in what is unseen, to refuse trusting what is unknown.

every day I feel a panic come over that maybe the FBI didn't receive my CBC request, maybe my diploma is back ordered or lost in the mail, maybe it won't work out, maybe I'll be a jobless grad still living at home next year. STOP, God shakes me, begging me to trust in Him. He is sovereign. I need to let go.  Each day it gets better, easier. The fear eases.

prayer works.

He whispers: Wait with Me for awhile...